Review: Sportsheets Beginner Strap-On Harness

If you're anything like me, you probably spend a lot of time browsing forums for fantasy sex toy users. Even if you don't, you've probably at least glimpsed a few collection photos, or have looked at some of the fantasy toy shops. One thing that might have crossed your mind is, "How the hell would you put one of those things in a harness?" Perhaps you didn't even know that was possible. Perhaps you think there must be some special rigging or technique. I am glad to say that you would be wrong: It is possible to strap on a fantasy dildo, and you don't need anything elaborate or expensive to do it!

Introducing the Sportsheets Beginner Strap-On Harness: simple, inexpensive, and comfortable. The one in this link is the lush model in purple, but they have many other styles available. You can pick this one up in your local sex toy shop, which is where we found ours.

Sportsheets is not a brand we had heard of before, but they are readily available. We walked into our local sex shop, and there they were, displayed with enlarged pictures on the boxes that showed a fairly simple setup. After taking a moment to pick one out, we decided on the one linked above. They offer this as well as a plus-size model, but even the standard model is adjustable up to 60" (we got the plus size model, but found out that the standard would have been more than big enough). The instructions on the back of the box are fairly straightforward, and getting the actual harness out of the package showed it to be much easier than I'd thought it would be. To someone who had never used a harness in her life, this was a piece of cake to put on and adjust.

The main reason we chose this harness was the adjustable O-ring on the front. The harness actually comes with three differently-sized rings made of rubber, but they do not stretch at all. To remedy this, we implemented a simple fix, courtesy of several helpful comments on Reddit - we swapped out the rubber rings with an elastic fabric hair band. I highly recommend this, even if the provided rings fit your toys. The elasticity of the hair bands make exchanging toys a breeze. You can also use paracord, such as the kind found here. This was recommended to me by another Reddit user, and it's a highly versatile material. It even comes in different colors to match your dongs!

The buttons are difficult to work with, but an elastic band negates the need to mess with them. The straps can be pulled through the slots in the four corners to adjust the fit.

To get a feel for our average size, we first attached our medium Demogorgon to the harness. There are four straps to affix a dildo to the O-ring, each with a metal snap point. The bands must be looped over and under the ring so that the S logo is facing outward on each button. Once secured, the straps can be pulled to the desired tightness, keeping the toy in place. This worked perfectly with our Demo, but we needed a more difficult test. To see just how much this harness can hold, we affixed our large Pretzal to it, and it worked! Even Pretzal's huge base was held securely.

My husband and I both use this harness. Adjusting it for our different hip sizes is easy - simply pull the straps through the plastic clips. Putting the harness on is even easier, as it's shaped just like a pair of underwear. Just pull them up, pull the straps, and you're ready to play.

When it comes to swapping out toys, this too proved to be almost laughably uncomplicated (I have to elaborate that before this, harnesses had been a total unknown to both of us, and I was picturing something out of a BDSM scenario - lots of straps and buckles). Using the elastic hair band, you can just stretch it over the base of the toy and slip it right off, without ever having to undo the snaps around the ring. It works the same way to slip a toy into the ring. Exchanging Crackers for Nox on our first run took maybe ten seconds, without any noticeable pause in our playtime. The metal snaps can be difficult to undo, and we found that the elastic band was the simplest solution.

From our smallest base...

... to our largest! Yes, that is an XL Chance. Yes, it fits! Though it may be more trouble than it's worth, considering the stallion's unwieldy size.

The material of this particular harness is velvety soft, and feels like almost nothing when worn. The wide back pad offers plenty of support, so you can pull the straps as tightly as you need to without making it uncomfortable. The thinner straps are made of sturdy material that is not likely to wear out any time soon, and I can attest that it has held up superbly. The entire thing is easy to clean, too, requiring only a damp washcloth to take up any lube or other fluids. According to the box and the website, it is also machine washable (though I haven't done this myself, since it's easy enough to spot clean). Be warned - as you can see from the picture, the velvety material gathers lint. It'll fit right in with your silicone lint magnets.

This was a purchase that we put off for a while, because the thought of getting into harnesses was daunting to us. If I'd know how easy this was to use, we would have bought one years ago! I highly recommend this line of harnesses, especially for those of us with oddly-shaped or very large dildos.