Review: Archer the Ultimate Fantasy, by Bad Dragon

I was out with a cold last week, and have been so ill that I haven't had much energy for anything. On the tail end of my illness came a time when my husband couldn't hold back any longer - and frankly, neither could I. So, he donned our strap-on harness and I flopped into bed, and we took a ride on Archer. Archer is perhaps Bad Dragon's plainest dildo, but that doesn't mean it's boring. What began as an April Fool's Day joke became one of their best-kept secrets. And guys, I'm not joking when I say that Archer may just be able to heal the sick... though that could be due to the magical color scheme we got ours in.

A complete cold care kit. Just add chicken soup.

Despite its plainness, Archer was one of the first toys I was eyeing back when it was still just another bullet point on our wish list. Specifically, I wanted it in Full Spectrum, Bad Dragon's rainbow coloration. Something about the perfect smoothness of the shaft, the uniformity, makes it look very appealing to me in rainbow stripes. Sure enough, when we finally ordered one, it arrived looking as good as I'd imagined it.

Ah, but I'm getting nostalgic. First, some specs!

Size: Large
Firmness: Medium/5
Color: Full Spectrum (offered during special promotions, particularly for pride events)
Insertable Length: 6.5" / 16.51 cm
Largest Circumference: 8.2" / 20.8 cm
Largest Diameter: 2.75" / 6.9 cm
Head Circumference: 7.72" / 19.6 cm
Head Diameter: 2.5" / 6.35 cm

From the moment I tried it, I knew Archer would become one of our favorites. I am a huge fan of girth. In fact, there's nothing I love more than being stretched wide and deep. Archer fulfills this fantasy perfectly, leaving me clawing the sheets and biting the pillow. Our first time with Archer was an event to remember. Sheets torn, neighbors pounding on the walls, breasts jiggling in every direction as I undulated wildly... It was quite an experience, and one that nearly got the cops called on us.

Seriously, I'm not joking.

The magic of Archer is in its simplicity. You can find plenty of toys with a smooth design, and a plethora of toys shaped like a human dick, but Archer combines the two into a seamless way that works whether you're into fantasy peen or not. The surface texture is slightly matte, with a little bit of grab to it - rather like skin. When lubed up, it glides right in. People who are very sensitive to texture may feel a bit of a burn, but it's nothing to be afraid of. Archer works best when you turn yourself over wholly to the experience.

Guaranteed to make your eyes bug out of your skull.

Archer's head is unique among silicone toys. Blunter than most other dildos, it doesn't stray into Chance or Sleipnir territory - you BD fans will know exactly what I mean by that. It's tapered enough to allow smooth entry, but blunt enough that it announces itself with a definitive presence. While it doesn't "pop" like knots or blunt-headed toys, Archer will not be ignored. Whatever size you're riding, Archer is going to show you a good time, and it makes no bones about it from the very first entry.

As the shaft slides inside, it pulls on your inner walls, prying you open and spreading you until you feel like you might be at your limit. Just when you think you can't take any more, it reaches maximum depth, and all doubts fly out of the window. There is a moment when it sinks fully inside, and suddenly the burn is gone. You may be very surprised by how easily you can take it. In fact, earlier today I was able to take all of it without any previous stretching (but plenty of lube). Fortunately, the neighbors weren't home, and I could scream my heart out - because Archer is one of those models that makes me lose control of my voice.

Personally, I derive the most pleasure from thrusting with Archer. The balls at the base are large and sculpted for an easy grip. Whether I'm using it solo or with my husband, I love to lie back and let it go to work. Riding isn't bad, but Archer is best used in a vulnerable position. Riding just doesn't give me the feeling of invasion that other positions offer.

However good Archer is at thrusting, I find that it begins to lag when I grind on it. One of my favorite positions for most toys is on my side, with my husband pushing the toy into me from behind and my hands controlling the vibrator. With Archer, I usually ask my husband to start thrusting with it so I can get off. It's nice to keep it inside for a while, but its sheer girth and uniformity makes it uncomfortable if left in the same position for too long.

When you want something girthy that won't tear up your insides with texture, Archer is a great choice. Classic, bold, with only a slight vein running down the side, this ballsy toy will keep you coming back for more.

Stand proud, Archer. Stand proud.